I’ve recently started reading Identical Strangers and am enjoying it. As I read, I keep thinking about the movie Secrets and Lies.
Have any of you seen it?
It’s one of my favorite movies. It’s about a 30ish successful, black adopted British woman who decides to find her birth mother. When she finally meets her mother, she discovers that her mother is white and has not told anyone in her family that she had her child adopted years ago.
I found it interesting how the main character in the movie starts her search to answer a simple question (who is my mother?) and ends up uncovering a host of family secrets. In a way, she finds herself with more questions than answers. So I’m interested to see where Elyse’s and Paula’s story leads, what other surprises are in store for them.
Have any of you seen it?
It’s one of my favorite movies. It’s about a 30ish successful, black adopted British woman who decides to find her birth mother. When she finally meets her mother, she discovers that her mother is white and has not told anyone in her family that she had her child adopted years ago.
I found it interesting how the main character in the movie starts her search to answer a simple question (who is my mother?) and ends up uncovering a host of family secrets. In a way, she finds herself with more questions than answers. So I’m interested to see where Elyse’s and Paula’s story leads, what other surprises are in store for them.
5 comments:
While I haven't seen Secrets and Lies, I definitely want to after reading this book.
Since Jenn obviously wasn't able to be at the bookclub meeting, I thought I'd share some of the things that were discussed in the meeting.
One of the things we talked about was the idea that, although they were biologically sisters, that didn't mean that they automatically had this loving bond. For Elyse, she immediately took to Paula and was hurt that Paula didn't feel the same way. I could definitely relate to Paula in that regard.
It's takes a lot to accept so much change in your life and often times, the burden is too much. I can't imagine this senario happening to me, but if it did, I wouldn't be surprised if I had some reservations about this stranger that is suddenly in my life, expecting me to instantly bond with them.
One of the other things that I thought was interesting that was brought up in the meeting was the idea that while most people are not accepting of twins being separated, they don't necessarily have the same objections to siblings being separated. It's interesting that somehow one bond is more powerful than another. I guess it's instinctually?
We also discussed in great length the idea of nature vs nurture and how both obviously play a big role in how we develope as people. Most people in the group agreed that studies like the one that the authors were in do more harm than good when trying to determine which has the greater influence, while others thought that (while studies like this may not be the most ethical), they do bring up very interesting questions that hopefully we'll be able to answer in the future.
Anyone else have thoughts?
Hi Girls!
I thought the book was a great read, and I was telling my classmates about it, and they all thought it was such a strange story, they couldn't believe it was true!
I actually felt the opposite about Paula. She came across as kind of arrogant to me, she came across to me as acting as if she had "the better life" than Elyse, and when she told Elyse that she sometimes wished she had never found her, I empathized with Elyse and how hurt she must have been.
I guess I empathize with Elyse more because I think I personally always have a strong desire to find out more about my family, where they came from, who they are and what they did. Being here in Hong Kong is like trying to uncover my family's past, and in doing so I hope I will learn more about myself. So for me Elyse's feelings of instantly wanting to bond with Paula, although they had missed out on the first 35 years of their life together, was something I could relate to more than Paula's feelings of hesitation in letting this "stranger" into her life.
I also find the whole nature vs. nurture debate to be super interesting. I was so surprised at how many cases of separated identical twins led such similar lives. It's crazy!! But I like the concept of your genetic makeup being a "range of expression" and that the environment plays a part in deciding out of that range which aspects are developed.
Have any of you read the study today about the new hypothesis in mental illness in the NYTimes?
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/11/health/research/11brain.html?em
I thought that was such an interesting part of the book, that they were picked to specifically study how mental illness is inherited or expressed.
Oh I also haven't seen Secrets and Lies, but I'm putting it on my list of movies to watch!!
I will be netflixing Secrets and Lies. I am definitely curious to see it now.
As for Identical Strangers, I found it very thought provoking. When I was a child, I would watch movies like the "Parent Trap" and wish I had a secret twin. My favorite episode of Full House was one where Michelle's cousin from Greece looked just like her, and it was like she had discovered a long lost twin. Maybe it was because my siblings and cousins are all so much older or younger than me that I always longer for a twin!
So, like Jenn, I empathized with Elyse. I get that Paula had this great, established life, but I don't know why she assumed that Elyse did not have a full life. Why does marriage and child equal stability and happiness. (I wouldn't necessarily argue that Elyse was happy, but her happiness or unhappiness was not contigent upon what Paula defined as satisfaction and happiness.)
A related conversation at the meeting was based on cultural values and identity--and their place in nature vs. nurture that Tiffany mentioned. While I am comfortable assigning a particular set of values to my family, I find it hard to define my culture. I am influenced by American culture and also be the Eastern European Jewish culture that my family comes from...but both those cultures are too large and diverse for me to assign particular values.
My question for you is: What makes us able to assign particular values to a culture?
I'm interested in learning more about this cultural values and identity topic that was discussed, but I'm not quite sure I understand. Can anyone give me an example?
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